A lot of people ask me when I started to make music. The answer differs to a lot of different time periods. Sometimes I feel like Ive always had it in me. Other times I feel like this whole “Ben Ril” thing was a sudden revelation. It wasn’t hard to start rapping. It was hard to stick to it.
The thing people don’t tell you when you start is that the hate, criticism, and disapproval isn’t face to face. I have not once ever had some one tell me to my face that I wasn’t going to make it, or I should just stop. A lot of the negativity is based off of what we think people think. The weird looks, the brief pauses in conversation, and the hesitation in people’s voice when I say “I make music” is what really spurred my negativity.
There are days where I still wake up, and tell myself, stop, do not pass go, because I’m not sure you’ll even collect 200 dollars. What keeps me going is the idea that this life I’m living, everything that goes on within it is truly what I make of it. I told myself after seeing my dad leave every morning at 5 am and get back every evening at around 8 pm that I would not be doing that. I talked to him. He genuinely enjoys what he does, but to me routine is scary. It is like a never ending time loop until we kick the bucket. So when I wake up and want to stop doing music, I think of the time loop that I would be stuck in if I didn’t pursue exactly what I want to do at all times.
I’m not a rapper, I’m an artist, I like music, I like sports, and I like a lot of other things too. The negativity that comes when you start doing something that is out of the norm is honestly needed because at some point you’re going to need to answer the question; “Why don’t you stop?” People always say, “is this what you want to do, are all your eggs in this basket?” I used to hesitate. Now when they ask that question I say, “Yes.”
This week I tell you why I keep going. Next week I’ll tell you why I started.