The Catalog, a Search for Phantom Validation.

Since music started for me I have been in an odd place. I’ve become this person that finally has had an outlet to express my thoughts. The idea of Ben Ril came about while I was writing a poem. I sat down one day with my thoughts swirling about all of the people around me and wrote.

“I’ve been real, I guess you should call me Ben Ril.”

Breaking News: I never truly knew what I meant by that.

People asked me what it was and I did not have a straight up answer, much like this piece I am writing now, everything was kind of just coming off of the top of my brain. Everyone finds themselves at some point, but what is crazy is that we find ourselves, (wait for it) while looking for validation from others.

Take a minute to process that.

We find ourselves while looking for validation from others. I did not like seeking validation, but like everyone else I sure as hell wanted it. I wanted to feel like I was worth my weight in gold. I can’t sit here and type that it’s easy and you should already know you are, because it is honestly hard to realize something so polarizing.


“I am worth more than my weight in gold.”

The notion of realizing this is an individualistic concept, so I refuse to sit here and gas you up on that topic. Rather I will say this, find your outlet. Find where you most seek that validation you want, and chase it through what you love to do, and with that you should find yourself. When you find yourself, you should realize you are worth way more than you’ll ever realize.

Even with all of that said, the point of this post was to announce the outset of my journey, rather than writing rhymes, finding a beat, making the flow work, and releasing the track; I took myself on a journey, a hypothetical journey nonetheless, but a journey. From this journey I came up with a catalog of thoughts, reasonings, ideas, and feelings. I took moments that made me feel, and feelings that created moments and made them my own. With all of this I have come up with (dramatic pause) The Catalog. 

Try to contain your excitement.

The catalog is a musical project I have spent the summer and fall creating (with the help of my friends), and even before it’s release has already opened up doors, and cleared avenues for me as a person. The catalog isn’t just going to be a Soundcloud mixtape, rather a collection of visuals, blog posts, and music that I (with the help of my friends) have comprised in order for me to express myself, and proclaim the validation I have found in making music.


PSA:  Some of the tracks get dicey, a lot is said that has been on my mind, and I’m not hoping it will blow up, what I am hoping is that it will release this weight on my shoulders that I along with everyone else has to for some reason carry, on our journey toward validation.

The crazy thing is, we don’t even need validation. We just want it.

Love yourself first, find yourself first. That’s the only validation you will ever need. And to me at least you find it through whatever outlet you love.

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